Monday, March 19, 2007

Sitting in the solitude of my four walls at 2 am

Ever wondered why you look and feel suspicious in your own room? A jailhouse of miserable dilemmas. I sit here doing small things i never do normally and wonder if my life ends now do all these things count for me in the hereafter? I can't imagine why this question nags me constantly but conscious or not the appeal to be good to life as life has been good to you overpowers with unbearable paranoia. It pounds your senses to the point where the faculty to perform simple tasks becomes obsolete. It gnaws at something within, something that calls to the soul, something that you acquired freely with the guarantee of losing it The one chance that should your tasks be performed for the happiness of HIM, then your labour will NEVER go unnoticed

Monday, March 12, 2007

If I Hide Will The World Still Be there

Decades pass by and earth still rotates through the passage of time.It makes me wonder whether what we do in everyday life has an effect, if any, on the way the world spins, on the way the world works, on the way people go about everyday business. I still cant get the hang of speaking what i think and yet I've just done so in this sentence. I find it obscene that most people have an opinion or rather a vocal capacity to engage conversation and air out there likes and dislikes without premonition of the recipients view on the manner in which there ideologies are transferred. Fill a sentence with enough social jargon and anything can come across as intellectually sound. So now i find myself lost in a world where people are interested in what i have to say and yet i cannot bring myself to form coherent speech or thought but in solace it corrupts my mind. It pains me that my friends can be candid with each other with no fear of reprimand or rejection and be unique on demand without having to check themselves for fault or lack of character. Five years ago my lingo, appearance and every fibre of me was a hundred percent totally ME but today i get this cold void in me saying I've leeched off character traits of others and my originality has been tarnished to a sad and lonely existence whereby i look and listen but soon start denying my input cos i start second guessing myself on whether what i say has a bearing on others or if it falls on deaf ears.....The UDW soccer tournament gauged a huge decrease on my social skills and made me realise that when it comes to talking to someone who you've shared alot with, can you show the same love to a person without society conversating on you?? Yesterday i practiced foosball at a guys house and he happens to play for South Africa. After the session i spoke the niceties of goodbye and take care and started walking to my car just after sunset. I looked up the stairs i was walking on and this huge dog was coming down toward me. Funny how in the face of adversity human and animal are so alike, the dog started sprinting toward me and barked baring its fangs and i went cold. Not cold like frozen to the spot but cold like within my depths i felt fear, genuine and unrelenting. It gripped me and my heartbeat automatically began an erratic symphony. HE alone knows what made me call out HEY! and lo and behold it started whimpering in shyness at my outcry. With its tail between its legs it ran away and i walked to the top of the stairs, the proverbial Rocky, champion of canines i wonder? But my point is that the fear i experienced exhilirated me afterward and adrenaline coursed my veins and i felt ALIVE!!!! I drove aimlessly around Durbs just feeling confidence grip me and empower me. I felt like i wanted to hike up signal hill just to watch the sunset (you know it was you that gave me the desire to see it again)....Oh well i have a mountain of work to attend so aurevoir monami's and MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Friday, March 9, 2007

Phoenix-when i got some free time

Life yields many great pleasures and so many feelings riddled with emotion unabounded take control of our goals.tell me a secret you never told anybody and i'l guard it with my life,treasured and kept in an archive.Smile the whole day and somebody asks if you had your kelloggs that morning.Why is it that the world always has the urgency to know exactly whats going on in your life?Query them when they ask and the extremely insufferable reply you get is :"Just cos i wanna know........Do i need any other reason?"Left with a feeling of defeat you cant help but remember how simple things in life can get you down....Anyway,turn over a new leaf and see the other side is not as rosy as you would believe it to be.People at the end are born with faults,not always by there choice but anyways this girl at work by the name of Anastasia just won't let me type out my thoughts now so i gtg hehe laters an all an all

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Is this what life feels like?

Phantom, many know me, most shy away. Tell me, if the world had to be forced into the position where everybody had to hold a conversation with a total stranger, how many would succeed in tickling the interests of the person they're speaking to? Do you think you have the patience to listen to a total stranger tell you his story? How would you go about beginning that conversation or rather would you care about how you start?Anyway after getting the mindf##k of your life from reading the stupid innermost eccentricities of my mind, i think most people like to believe that they are always in control of what they see or hear but what most people don't realise is messages interpreted by themselves can be shaped and moulded to a certain central point because those that create the message mean for you to see it that way.....Dunno if this is what blog life is about but its peaked my interest so farewell and good long and prosper would'v sounded better but hey taxes and death-go figure